What is a Friend, by Tony Bianco

I am Writing this as a factual message, not poetic, or any intent to be cute.
Just the True Fact of what a friend is!
A long Time ago a close and long time friend once quoted me this "A Friend in need, is a friend in deed!"
He had Said that after declaring he was going to help me with something.
What it Means, is that a true friend is one that will be there for you when you really need.
There are a lot of Circumstances that do not allow for you to be there every time.
And there are a lot of Excuses, that really show that your friend is not so much of a friend.
I have had the Blessing and also Misfortune of finding out what true friends are all about.
For Instance, I was married, lived and raised two children in a small town for seventeen years and we became close friends with our next door neighbor.
Another Couple, who had two children, which were nine and ten years older than our own.
Almost from the Start we had become very close.
As the Neighbor man would say, "We were Closer than most relatives."
Let Me tell you, that even back then I was not one to believe everything people said.
I was Skeptic about a lot of things!
But for most of those Years, I had actually believed him.
He was around fifteen years my senior and I became to feel like he was the older Brother I never knew.
And Being the oldest of two children, the other my little sister and also having a real half Brother somewhere that I never did know, this had meant a lot to me!
Our two Families had spent every occasion together, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations and more picnics than most people every have in a life time.
We went almost everywhere together, camping, fishing, you name it, we were close.
I would Help the neighbor man whenever he needed and he would help me.
We Built my large front porch and the small back one on the home a couple times.
We also Built a master Bedroom with a half bath on our place and he even helped with my large pool garage, even after he was crippled.
In many Ways I still feel lucky and if I would have died before the move, I guess my life would have been complete, in a manner of speaking.
We were all so Close, that some of my old and long time friends and even family, had become a little jealous.
I had always Felt that there were friends and then there were really close and good friends.
And These Neighbors I had felt were the closest one could be to a friend.
But Surprise, surprise, in a blink of an eye that had all ended.
Now take Note here, a true friendship doesn't really end, not even under ugly circumstances.
You may Go a long time without contact, even some years and maybe even for no real good reason.
But just Because we had moved, which was only ten miles down the road, our close friendship had ended.
At First, I waited for them to contact us, because I had made the last atemps.
Then with the next three years I visited about four times total and called another four.
Only Once in all that time, did they ever return the call.
After my Last two visits and then being crucified by the wife and judged as a fool by some other friends and family, it finally sank into my head that these previous 
long time neighbors and closest friends, had not wanted anything to do with me, or any other member of my home.
There was no Logical, or good reason why.
The last Excuse that this neighbor man gave, was that he never travels in that direction.
That was the first Visit I had made and though it was really a lame excuse, since I seen him travel all the way to Texas for his other friend, I wanted to believe 
him so bad that I accepted it.
Like I just Said, it took three years after the move and their silence, to really set in and hit me.
I had already been Injured from a previous accident and was already suffering some great trials.
And When this Realization came, I no longer was in wonderment, but was in shock from it.
It has been seven Years since the move now and I still cannot really understand.
I Thought I knew and trusted them as much as you could anyone.
But Wrong I was.

I have Told a few select others of this, trying to make them understand that you really do not know your true friends until something really serious happens.
But they did not really hear what I was saying and later found out the hard way.

Now my Wife of over twenty four years at one time, everyone said she should be my closest friend and you would think that, right?
Well, that is a whole other story, which I may have even wrote about somewhere on my pages here.
Call me Stupid, but I have a tendency to believe in people, especially when they bare your children!
I had been Shocked with such in the past, ever since I was sixteen years old.
And there was one Time, when it was a very bad and lasting shock.
But the previous two examples were the worse.

Now I did have one real Friend, his name was Bud.
I do have other Friends and one I believe is a true friend as well, but he lives three hundred miles away.
I Knew and grew up with Bud since we were around nine, or ten years old.
Bud was a Year older than I and his younger Brother was actually the one I knew and hung around with first.
But within a few Years, Bud and I had become very close, doing a lot of the good and not so good things together, that teenagers had back then.
Bud actually Saved my life once, when he refused to give up on me.
That is a whole other story, but just the first of what good friends are about.
He was the only One I could count on to help carry in furniture while we had moved.
I Called him after the one who was helping could not do anymore and while it was snowing out.
Bud Lived about twenty minutes from here and at the time when I called, I had no idea that he had pneumonia.
But He said give me thirty minutes and I will be there.
And He was!
After Bud's Death three years ago, I found out from his older sister that he would ask her what he was supposed to do to help me, since I was recently 
crippled and suffering from my condition.
His Sister told him to just be a friend and be there for me.
She really did not have to tell him that, because Bud had a true heart and was always there for me.
And He had a very active and social life, other than just with me.

Many Years ago, there was one year that Bud and I went for an entire year without seeing each other.
From other Friends we knew that each of us were doing and still alive, but we had no contact.

Throughout my Life, I have been to a few states and countries and have met and befriended many people.
At the Times most of them seemed to be good friends, but were not that real true friend as I had with Bud and a very few others, which are including family.

I have always Thought of myself as an average person, but in reality how do you rate average.
So my Friends were not in the thousands, but I thought there were many.
And When I say Friend, I don't mean just an acquaintance!

At this Time in my life, excluding my parents and my only sibling, my sister, I feel that there is only one real friend I have left, the one guy three hundred miles away.
There are a couple elder Relatives that may argue that.
And I Believe that they would do as much as they could if I asked, but they are not that kind of a close friend, that thinks about you enough to come around 
and try and help, even if the help is just being there.
And that is also one thing I cannot ask.
Because that would be Like a thirsty man, asking for an empty glass!
You cannot Ask for friendship!
Once some one knows you, it is then up to their heart to determine it.
I Found that there are many people out there, that truly believe they have that kind of heart, but do not.
Maybe most People are that way, wanting to believe in the best of their self!
But You find that no matter how much they believe, feeling that they do have the heart and even proclaim they do, that they really do not.
There are also People that go the opposite route and do not think their self being so good, but yet are there for you when you really need them.

You might Wonder then, how do I know when my friend really needs me.
And Like Bud asked his Sister, what do I do to help them.

If You are a true friend, then both of those questions would have crossed your mind!
And the Answer is very simply put.
Just be there for them when you can and when you see they are in need, or trouble, be there more.
You don't have to Knock yourself out, or give up everything, to be a real friend.
But a Good Friend does put the friendship ahead of material things!
If You know a friend is hurting, or needing some comforting, then depending on the time, you might have to give up another activity, or plans.

Real True and good Friendship is nothing less than true love!
And that is Love from the heart, which has nothing to do with sex!
If You haven't discovered and do have the chance to live an average life time, you most likely will find out that sex has little to do with love.
Many Times, people think and actually do believe that they love you and believe that there is a mutual feeling because of the sex.
But many of those Times the feelings are not mutual.
A lot of the Times we feel a false love.
And a lot of People confirm that it is true love, just because of the sex.
Then there is those that pretend, or act in a manner of love, just to acquire the sex.
Sometimes that can even Go on for years, where the one partner really feels the love and the other just fakes it, or mistakes it.
That is also Why it is common to hear another say, "I Used to love them."
In Reality, love does not come and go, it is forever!
It may not be Helped that some do not know the difference and some think a good feeling at one time is love.
But it is a real Shame, that many use the word "Love" loosely, when most times it should have been said as "I like," not I love!
Since They do use it so loosely, that is why I and others, refer to it as true love.

So, if you Have the Understanding of what true love is, then you should be able to understand what a true friend is!
This does not Mean that you will want to marry all your true friends.
But Like a Marriage, true friendship does have commitments.
Commitments are not something written on a piece of paper, they are something you pursue.
They are a part of the Essence of what lies in your heart.
Most People keep their heart shielded and invisible and for many reasons.
The Heart does not determine your physical appearance, but it does rule over your feelings and actions.
Many People are Deceived by looking at only the physical and many times judging with a random, or single action.
Our Experts can read the physical body, internal and out, pretty good.
But Knowing a person and what really lies in their heart, can be impossible without a lot of close personal time.

In Closing I will say this.
It is piratically impossible to know who is a true friend and not until some time with really needing them and having them around, while they sacrificed to do so, 
can you even be close to being sure!

No One and nothing is perfect, so don't be quick to judge anything, or anyone, in any manner.
We All make mistakes and it is how we deal with the mistakes that counts!
And a True Friend will not desert you, even when you made a mistake!
A True Friend may not always agree with you, but they will see when you are down and or, out and will be there for you, no matter what.

Tony

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